The Darkening [Apotheosis & Chimera]

Content warning: Mature/darker themes, abusive relationship dynamics; read at your own risk.

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It's only a few scant moments after she logs back on and sees the empty dungeon that she'd been left behind in before the woman behind Apotheosis takes action. Looking at the ring that adorns her left hand now is such a bittersweet thing. He loves her, but... he doesn't want anything she has to say. Doesn't want anything that both her own sensibility and the innumerable advice columns on dating had to recommend. She'd tried so hard to care for him; tried so hard to show her love for him in the little ways that she thought he would have loved, but she understands now: she'd failed him. Failed in every way.

One use of a teleporting item later and she goes back to the city where the host club that runs the escort service that Zalgiman–Wolf–(formerly) worked for is located. She walks briskly and quickly to that building's location, her steps heavy on the ground. It takes some part of her now to keep from crying. She feels like she's ruined everything. She thought he was happy. He sounded so happy until she went to embrace him. Why? Why?

Apotheosis steps inside and walks right up to the secretary. "May I speak to Chimera privately at his earliest convenience?" she asks.

It doesn't take long. It doesn't take long at all until the woman is leading her back to Chimera's private office. Past the happy-looking couples and groups who are gathered at their tables. Smiling and laughing. The woman knocks once at the door before opening it for Apotheosis. Chimera - is it Chimera? A person who looks really nothing like what she remembers Chimera as sits behind a thick and heavy desk. Gray skin and a featureless face peer at her as the person rises to their feet. The clothes are familiar, but it's not until their eyes meet - those strange mismatched eyes that its clear that this is Chimera.

He offers his hand to Apotheosis with a warm smile. "You've caught me off duty Miss Apotheosis. Please sit down." He motions to one of the chairs in front of his desk. "I admit that I am not surprised to see you, though I thought it might be sooner than this. How are things with you and Wolf?"

Apotheosis does find herself wondering if she was led to the wrong room until she locks eyes with Chimera, the heterochromatic blue-and-green telling her exactly who it is. Exutaran, she thinks. Or something else. She wouldn't be able to find out without inspecting the character, and it's beyond her concern for the moment anyway.

She takes his hand and sits down in one of the chairs, being polite. When he asks her how things are with her and Wolf, however, she looks down to her left hand, with that beautiful ring that should be making her happier more than anything. They're husband and wife now... in Savior. Except that phrase, even with the little reminder at the end, feels just as hollow as a bell, ringing just as loudly as one in her head.

"Everything was fine until... Just an hour ago," she says. It'd taken her a while to empty the silverware drawer, all of the chef's knives, and any of the other tools in the kitchen that she felt he could use to hurt himself. "I don't understand... why I'm..."

She shudders, trying to keep herself from crying. "Why I'm so bad at this," she says. "I did everything that I thought he'd like, and all of the advice I read online. But he insists I don't love him. Why?"

Chimera's expression - what expression is possible without eyebrows or a noise - seems to be sympathetic as he takes in her state. "Oh dear. No, I'm sure you've done everything that you thought was right." He offers these words softly. "I... Should have warned you dear."

He sighs softly. "Wolf is... he has special needs. He's not like most men you understand? If you treat him as such he withers and becomes despondent."

He reaches out, offering his hand to her in a gesture of goodwill, even pulling out a box of tissues in case she needs them.

She takes a tissue from the box and nods gratefully, drying her eyes of the tears that already threaten to overwhelm her. Apotheosis even takes that offered hand, grateful to hear there's at least an explanation she didn't know about. "Special needs?" she asks, peering at him with violet eyes. "Like what?"

She'd never heard of anything like that. Not in the sense that Chimera seems to be using the term. "I just–he seemed so happy with me, and... Then we got married in the dungeon and he started lashing out at me. Insisting that I don't actually love him and that I don't care for him."

Understanding flashes across Chimera's face and he smiles at her. Gives her hand a gentle squeeze. "The truth is that Wolf hardly understands his needs himself. He's a submissive darling. Someone who craves to be punished and put in their place. He must be trying so hard to be well-behaved for you, waiting for you to do the things he needs for you to do... and all this time you haven't known at all what he needs."

"This is my fault. I should have told you, but really I thought considering how close you two were that... you knew."

The last is such a lance into her heart and she finds herself shedding fresh tears. "He kept telling me I don't know him at all," she says, taking another tissue and drying her eyes. "I'm starting to think I'm right. I mean–all the advice online said it'd come naturally and we'd learn more and more about each other, but he's so reserved, and I never wanted to pry, and..."

She sniffles hard. "I just thought I was doing what was right by him," she whimpers. "I thought if I showed him all of my love and showered him in everything he could ever want, and gave him all of the affection that I wasn't too scared to give... He'd understand exactly how much I love him."

And then she looks back up into Chimera's eyes. A little flick of determination resides then in her violet ones. "If he's–not like other men, how do I show him my love?"

Chimera sighs and looks at her very seriously. "It will not be easy dear. In truth... I'm not sure you're up to the task. It might be cruel of me to say... but I must be sure. Are you certain that you're willing to do anything for your dear Wolf?" His eyes seem to be weighing her.

Just like in the wedding ceremony–there's not a doubt in her mind. She wants Wolf–Zalgiman–completely and utterly. Even now, learning that he wants to be 'punished'–she's not wholly sure what that means, really–she knows that she'd do anything for him. Anything. She'd been serious when she made him that offer in the kitchen, when he told her what he wanted.

That darkness wells up inside of her again. She doesn't know where it came from. Maybe it'd never left after all of those years. It'd been what whispered to her that she should disappear, stop being a parasite, and do the world some good by donating all of her parents' money (not her money; she didn't make any of it with any actual work) to a charity instead of living off it every day like a fat little grub. But now it whispers to her that she has to keep her sunshine in the sky. He has to remain there in her sky. At any cost. Or she goes right back into the endless darkness and the voice of doom will torture her again.

"Anything," Apotheosis says, something strange in her eyes and voice. "Anything."

He seems to hesitate a moment, as if uncertain of her resolve, but after a moment he nods and gives her hand a gentle squeeze. "I don't think it'll be easy for you, but it's vital that you learn to care for Wolf in the proper way. I don't think I need to go into detail about the consequences... Wolf is... Fragile."

He sighs here. "Firstly, you'll need to stop doing all these small nice things for him. Wolf needs structure. Control. You said that he was acting out against you? Then this is a perfect opportunity for you to show him that you do love him."

Chimera's face becomes very serious. "You'll need to punish him. Severely."

Some small part of her is still trying to determine how this makes sense in the framework of a normal relationship. How a person could be like this. But the rest of her is so much more intent on saving the light in her life. On learning how he needs to be... punished. "How?" she asks.

It's said so seriously. But she really seems to have no clue what 'punishment' could entail.

Chimera arches an eyebrow at her, seemingly surprised by her answer. His eyes flicker over her briefly. "Well... It depends on how naughty a wolf your Wolf was. Did he harm himself? You? Your property?"

"He told me he wanted to die," Apotheosis explains, the weight of that answer clearly hanging with her even still. "And he demanded that I... fulfill that desire if I loved him." Obviously she didn't want to do that to him. Maybe in Chimera's eyes that makes sense. She had, after all, paid good money for him, but the truth is that the money was nowhere near her mind at the moment.

Chimera nods sadly but with perhaps too much understanding. "This has clearly gone on too long and Wolf is feeling very uncared for. You'll have to do something very firm to show him that you care. Now, if this was just a... simple offense, you might reprimand him. Or treat him in a certain way for a time. However if he's this far along... You'll have to hurt him dear."

He hesitates a moment and then pulls out one of the drawers in his desk. "Remind me where you are?"

She digests that information slowly. Some part of her objects. Screams that she could never. But... if she wanted him to be happy, if this would make him happy–if he would understand how much she loves him... She would have to do it.

Or she'd never have Zal's sunshine again in her life.

"The Boston area," Apotheosis replies. "In Massachusetts." She doesn't say where, exactly. Nobody on Savior does unless they're an idiot. Nevermind the fact that the paperwork she'd signed had her address on it (and an address for Chimera on it, presumably).

"Ah, excellent." Chimera murmurs, pulling out a small piece of paper and offering it to Apotheosis. "Here you are dear. You can order a number of devices from this shop, they deliver."

He smiles at her warmly. "Now, I would suggest that you do some research into submissives, but the truth is that the internet is... well it's vulgar and so much of the information there is conflicting. Besides, we both know how special Wolf is. He requires... different things than even your average submissive."

The mismatched eyes meet her purple ones with determination and sincerity. "When you finish punishing Wolf... whatever you do, you must not tend to him afterward. Make no apologies for what you do - it's for his own good. Do not tend any wounds he endures. Do not be gentle with him. If you do any of these things, you will undo all your hard work in punishing him do you understand?"

She stares at the piece of paper that she takes and reads it for a moment, committing the shop name and address to mind. She's surprised; it's located in a town not far from Newton. Everything she orders would probably get to her door in less than a day if she were to place an order as soon as she logs off Savior...

Apotheosis's eyes go up to meet Chimera's, and she thinks back to when Zalgiman first arrived at her home. When he had those marks on his neck. That cut on his shoulder. He never answered her question about who had done those things to him, and he seemed so oddly... Detached from the situation, like the wound wasn't a big deal at all even though it was bleeding. Someone had done this for him. Someone he'd left behind in Russia, probably. Maybe...

Her fingers tense hard on the piece of paper. Maybe the reason he lashed out at her is because he missed that person. Missed what they did for him. Missed them. He'd told her that he loved her. And she believes him, wants to believe him, but it suddenly crystallizes in her head that if Chimera's right... He doesn't want her at all despite loving her. This phantom, this person, has the whole of Zalgiman's need.

It'd been so much easier to deal with everything before. When she could reason to herself that Zalgiman didn't have anyone special in his life, that everyone was just a client, including herself, except... She became special to him. He fell for her, just as she fell for him. She didn't have to compete with anyone. And when Zalgiman said in the woods that he'd loved those who were cruel, those who were vain, those who hurt him... He'd been deluding himself up until the moment they were wedded, hadn't he? He still carried such a place in his heart for someone who had hurt him in the past.

Jealousy finally burns within Lana. That there is someone who he longs for like this. That there is someone who occupies this spot within his heart that is the reason he can't accept her. She wants to find this person and...

Her eyes stay on Chimera's. "I understand," she says. Finally with understanding.

He smiles at her nodding once. "Don't worry Apotheosis, you don't have to be harsh to him all the time. Look for the little things he does and give him small rewards. When he does something extra-special, then you can reward him more. Just remember that the harsher you are with him now, the more he will respond to you later."

Apotheosis nods in response to Chimera's words, the jealousy and darkness still swirling within her heart. She will... do what it takes, to remove this influence of the past from Zalgiman. She wonders if he realizes that's what is blocking him. She wonders if she orders him to forget that person and to accept her in this role... If that will allow him to move on, to accept her, to embrace her so happily as his wife.

(In Savior, comes the reminding voice a little slower than before.)

"Should I know anything else before I leave?" she asks. "Does he respond to any particular thing more... favorably than another?"

Chimera nods once. "Remember that actions speak louder than words, but that your words are important too Apotheosis. Remind him that his punishments are his doing. You can remind him that if he is good that you won't have to punish him... as much. As much as it might break your heart to do these things, they are the only way to make him truly happy."

He looks at her very firmly. "And, always Miss Apotheosis, if you need advice, or are in want of aid... I am here for you. If things become truly grim I will happily aid you in whatever manner is required. I consider Wolf a good friend, and I would do much to see him happy."

There's a small ghost of a smile on Apotheosis's lips as she rises from her chair in the office. "Thank you," she says. "You've given me hope that I can fix all of this." That once again, she'll have Zalgiman's sunshine in her skies again. That he'll accept her and call her his wife so readily, so happily.

The reminding voice of 'in Savior' almost never comes.

"I won't trouble you any longer, Chimera," Apotheosis says, so brightly, despite all of the darkness that is swirling within her. "Have a good day."

When she walks out of the office, she's grasping at a whole new world of information, thoughts, and feelings. When she walks out of the host club, she pays only a crumb of attention to the happy couples dining inside. One day soon, she and Zalgiman will be happy again. He will embrace her happily and call her his Lana. He will love her and welcome her love. Her promised one will be hers once again, but this time, in totality.

She logs off in her home, and when she emerges from the FISH unit, the first thing she does is not to eat–she can't think of eating at that moment anyway–but to go online and go shopping. She doesn't even pay much attention to the exorbitant shipping fees she pays for same-day delivery. She can afford them, and no price was too small for her beloved soulmate. If this is what he wants... She will become this for him.

And then... Lana waits. Waits in her room, never going to Zalgiman's door to ask what he'd like for breakfast like she would do in the morning hours. He had rejected that little notion of her love and care, along with all of her other gestures, because he didn't want it. So, she simply waits, until the packages start coming to the door.

Her mind continues to darken with thoughts and plans. "Soon, my love," she murmurs. "Soon."